So today I woke up at my friends and ate some granola and had two low fat poptarts (I can’t help it! I love them!!), but I did manage to get some whole grains in there with the granola. I ate about 590 cals for breakfast, which I’m actually semi-ok with. I’m going to East Lansing again today with my friend Michelle (it will be MUCH better than last time with Chris) and being busy and with company will help me with my diet; it always does…
Does anyone have it where they either a) feel a lot thinner than they weigh on the scale or b) look bigger than what the scale actually says? I’m on the b course right now…
I managed to control myself at my friend’s and ate two servings of nilla wafers and one chocolate chip cookie; but I still feel like I ate too much. I know this is hard for me because I have like two methods of action; full speed ahead or at a standstill. It just means so much to me to finally start to feel good about myself again…
I’m proud of myself or stopping when I did, but I hate how I feel right now…
So this weekend kind of sucked. I went to MSU with this guy Chris and things were super awkward. I don’t know what to think about him… Because of these body issues and food issues I have, I didn’t eat all day on Friday and I ate Friday night because I didn’t want to eat around him…
I ate an ok amount on Friday and Saturday I ate a little more than usual, and I feel kind of bad about it today… Saturday I ate about 1,150 calories, but I think I underestimated that. Today, I was feeling really depressed (yesterday helped because the Twilight Zone was on all day… BRILLIANT!), but I laid out after breakfast (grapes and regular oatmeal with Equal), and I went over to my friend Michelle’s to watch movies. I really wanted to overeat today, but I can’t let the things that happened with Chris influence the way my diet goes.
I’m going to go for a run today… I can’t give up on this this way. I can’t give up at all… I think things will be better with Chris when I start to lose weight. I KNOW, I KNOW that sounds horrible, but it’s more than that for me. I blame my weight and the way I look for how things go with him and don’t go with him. He never makes comments about it, but I’m so self-conscious that I blame myself for everything and constantly attribute bad events in any arena in my life because of my weight.
If I can feel better about myself and make it to 110 (AND STOP AFTER I REACH THAT), then I can finally stop blaming myself, I can love myself, and I won’t care about what happens with our friendship/relationship. I wish I could love myself the way that I am now, but I doubt that will happen anytime in the near future.
This is rather haphazard, but I’m all about making promises, and I promise for all of my buddies on here that I will go for a run tonight and eat healthily for the rest of the day!
Good news; I got two 4.0’s for the summer!!!
THANK YOU TO ALL WHO SENT ME SUPPORT TODAY!!! :) I will be sure to send some love your way soon to encourage all of my new buddies I’ve made!
So today, I felt pretty shitty considering its that time of the month and last weekend was filled with ice cream, cereal, chips, and horrible nasty food. When I’m depressed, I tend to eat… a lot. I’m really quite tired of it, not only the emotional eating but depression in general. School financing (tuition went up…. AGAIN), and dealing with self esteem issues with my weight and this guy I’m so confused about… UGH. Way too many stressors for 24 hours.
I really want to lose this weight. I have to keep telling myself that it’s only 7 pounds until I’m at 130, my mini goal…
If you can do it, I can do it… 
So, my starting weight is 138 pounds… My heaviest was 148, and my lowest was 91. I suffered from anorexia two years ago, and my weight skyrocketed to 148 a year and a half afterward (trust me, when all you eat is gum for 11 months, you’ll eat anything).
I’m still really unhappy with my weight, but I think it’s hard for me to lose more because I’m scared at how overboard I’ve gone. I lost my period 3 times, and my anorexia stint two years ago was my worst.
I really just want to feel good about myself again, impress this guy I really like, and start running.
I need some support, and I’m willing to provide just as much, if not more.
I hate myself today… ;(
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